Lagertha's Return
by K.Eliz
Summary: Lagertha returns to Kattagat as Earl Ingstad. She bares her soul and discusses the past four years with her dear friend Siggy over tea.


**Lagertha's Return**

 **After being away from Kattegat for over four years, Lagertha bares her soul to her d** **ear friend Siggy over tea.**

The village of Kattegat was brimming with excitement over the return of their former Lady. Ever since she'd arrived, Lagertha had been preoccupied with old friends, admirers, and intense warrior training. So when Siggy noticed her alone in the marketplace one late morning, she took it as her chance to invite her to her home for tea.

Despite the harrowing circumstances from which the two became acquainted, Siggy and Lagertha's mutual admiration for each other's strength, humility and kindness formed a bond. And by the time Lagertha left Kattegat, they had become the closest of friends.

From a distance, Siggy noticed Lagertha's soft periwinkle gown and metallic flower earrings, along with her long blonde main tumbling freely down her shoulders. No braids and no leather signaled she would not be training young warriors that day. If she was ever going to steal a moment with her friend, this would be the time.

Once in Siggy's cottage, both women pondered in anxious delight that maybe, for once, they might speak freely about the experiences they've endured over the past few years. And do so without judgment.

Settled in her rocking chair with a cup of steaming tea, Siggy, leans forward eagerly;

"So. Earl _Ingstad_." A slow, intrigued smile crept across her face. "Just how have you been?"

Lagertha, at ease, sets her tea down and stretches her arms forward before her folded hands land in her lap. "Where to begin?" She sighs despondently. "Well, I suppose _you know_ the beginning" she chides with a raised brow.

Siggy tilts her head with a sharp nod of acceptance. Neither woman wanted to rehash the misery of Lagertha's departure with Bjorn from Kattegat.

Lagertha continues "Let's just say life in Hedeby hasn't been a walk across an open field. But, I survived. The gods have shown me favor, and for that I am thankful."

Siggy leans in further. "Tell me. How has it been for you...being back here in Kattegat once again."

Lagertha pauses, struggling to find the right words. "It's taken me a while to feel much of anything since I arrived."

Her eyes wander off, pondering her last admission, not certain if she wanted to go there just yet. She recoils and snaps back with a safer conversation-starter;

"Bjorn has refurbished my childhood home" Lagertha continues. "And I think he plans to set up home for himself there. He revealed his finishing touches to me when I arrived the other day and that's where I've been staying. He says he's been working on it for months, and, really… it is quite beautiful. My wonderful boy." She smiles in quiet satisfaction.

Siggy nods "Yes, he and Rollo have worked on it together. I've even seen Ragnar join them on occasion. It's served as a bonding activity for the three of them, it seems. And Rollo took me up there when it was finished. It's quite a way out, but the view of the water is breathtaking from that hill. What a charmed upbringing you must've had."

The sound of his name involuntarily forced Lagertha's eyes shoot to the floor, compromising her resolve to keep up with the superficial banter. But it was futile. Lagertha realized who she was talking to. This was Siggy.

A woman who had literally wiped her blood, sweat and tears after her miscarriage.

The woman she had held in her arms for hours to comfort her after the loss of her daughter Thyri, and did the same in return for Gyda.

The woman who kept her secret to leave Ragnar without word, and even packed her bags for the journey.

 _This is the woman who has bore witness to my greatest pain. Just let it go._ Lagertha thought.

She took a deep breath and looked to her friend.

"Honestly Siggy, it's been a bit emotional for me." She pauses;

"I love what they've done to the cottage. I do. But…being here, in Kattagat…. I must say I do feel a bit detached now. From this…" she gestures at open space "...just doesn't feel like home for me. Not anymore."

Siggy sets her cup down and engages further. "So, how is it, seeing the new 'first family' of Kattegat?

"I haven't seen very much of Aslaug and the boys. Yet, I can feel her eyes on me from the distance." Lagertha chuckles. "She can calm herself though. Truly, I do not want to trade places." She continues "I greeted her and the boys on my arrival, and we've exchange pleasantries during each brief encounter—but I don't feel compelled to spend time with them." Lagertha thinks on it further. "Yet... don't quite mind them either."

A relieved look graces her face. She'd only recognized that fact the moment she said it.

"Surprising, I know...I suppose that is the beauty of time." She grins, still tickled by the feeling. "I am joining this raid on Wessex to collect spoils for my village, and to do it with my son." She said convincingly as she sat her cup down, relaxed in her chair- knowing full well that the last bit was not as genuine.

"I'm glad" Siggy started. "And you'll be glad to know that Bjorn has re-acclimated nicely. The younger boys are excited by him, and I think Ragnar is pleased to have them all together. I see him watching all of the boys with pride in his eyes. Truly, I have not seen this kind of peace wash visibly over him in a long while."

Lagertha giving a measured shrug of sorts, "I know that is what he wanted. All of his children growing up together" She pauses and crosses her legs. "And I very well know he hates me for dashing his chance of that."

"You did what you needed to do, Lagertha. Believe me, everyone else understands that."

Siggy leans forward and continues.

"I witnessed it in the beginning. When you left, he had a hard time of it. For a good while, Athelstan and myself were both cleaning up after Ragnar when I was already dealing with Rollo." Siggy shook her head. "Both of them drinking to the point of unconsciousness in their separate hideouts. I even stepped in to handle a few civic duties; land disputes, offerings… no one else was prepared to do it."

"You have always been a rock. I sure hope your efforts were met with proper gratitude."

Siggy huffs. "You know Ragnar. Far too proud to acknowledge that the town wasn't running itself. But, once Ubbe was born… he seemed to regain focus. And from there, I kept my distance. Caring for Rollo was hard enough."

"I was glad to see he and Ragnar settled their differences. I wasn't sure if things could ever be the same after Rollo's betrayal."

"It broke Rollo. Being estranged from his brother." She pauses and looks at her hands pensively. "And watching you and Bjorn leave didn't help him either."

Siggy rises to walk that last comment off, busying herself to fetch something a bit stronger to refill their cups with.

"I spent most of my days taking his wrath for hiding his drink." She continues as she hands Lagertha a cup of ale. "The criticisms. I would barter jobs for him here and there. I would sew, midwife…any honest work in exchange for the mere _promise_ of work for Rollo. Everyone had given up on him, Lagertha. You know Rollo is a skilled craftsman. Who knows...maybe he will _never_ be the warrior to lead all warriors…. but he could make a decent living if he tried. It is a shame it took a siege to snap him out of the misery. Before that, he hadn't spoken to Ragnar in years.

With that, Lagertha felt another crack in her already crumbling reserve. She quickly took her first sip of ale.

It took a long time for Lagertha to allow herself any thought of her ex husband that was not involuntary and fleeting. But as years passed and she felt strong enough to ponder Ragnar's welfare. She felt sure the prospect of new sons, the company of the princess, and his bonds with Floki, Athelstan and eventually Rollo would see Ragnar back to good emotional health. Instead, it seems Ragnar was left to cope with the loss of Bjorn and Rollo in a short space. And not too long before that, their unborn son... and their precious Gyda. She realized, however misguided, it explained his anger.

"That is the way of the gods isn't it? With the attack on Kattegat, came a chance to heal. It brought my son to his father. And it seems to have brought Rollo back to life."

"It also brought you back to face Ragnar." Siggy prodes.

"Seems it has." Lagertha sighs with resignation. "When we heard news of the attack on Kattegat, Bjorn begged me to reinforce his father. I didn't want to get involved at first. But, then I thought- if the gods allow, Kattegat will be ruled by my son one day. I felt I should do what I could to protect his birthright. And if that meant inviting Sigvard's wrath... so be it. He would've found another reason to humiliate me anyway.

Siggy straightens her posture. With a downwards glance she speaks;

"I've heard a bit about that Lagertha" She looks up at her friend. "I'm so sorry."

"Well, I am not." The cleared her throat. "He resented Bjorn for being the son of Ragnar. I don't know if he quietly longed for a natural son of his own, or if he was jealous that I was once married to Ragnar Lothbrok. Regardless of the matter, he was resentful to my son and I knew Bjorn deserved better." She adjusts to sit up straight. "I also knew I had the people on my side. Everyone in Hedeby knew Sigvard was out of his mind. I was patient. Once Sigvard left town to tend to the fur trades, Bjorn and I assembled the best warriors, and departed for Kattegat. Knowing the consequence that awaited, I left Bjorn with his father. Whatever my fate, at least I knew Bjorn was safe from what was to come." She pauses and collects her cup. "And sure enough, Sigvard dealt his worst toward me for going against his word. Days later, I was still battered and bruised but I took the only opportunity I saw to send him to the hell reserved only for cowards and fools."

Lagertha tossed back the rest of her ale in one shot.

"After you'd returned to Hedeby, we heard rumors of the tension between you and Sigvard, but no detail. And certainly nothing to that scale. Bjorn also mentioned things weren't so good- and now it's clear even he didn't quite know the depths of it. Still, I think we could all tell it weighed on him a great deal. Ragnar too. The scattered bits of information we'd received were troubling.

"Yes, Ragnar spoke of it."

Siggy perplexed. "You've spoken to Ragnar? About your dead husband?" Her eyebrows raised.

"Well, I did not offer it up, and he still doesn't have the details. No one does, and I will never share them. Living it was hard enough." She pauses and shakes her head in disillusionment. "Ragnar said after hearing enough about it from Bjorn and a wanderer, he sent _spies._ "

"Did he?"

"It seems so. I had no idea, but it makes sense now. I noticed strange men in my hall, but it was fur trade season and there are a lot of transients in Hedeby at that time. So, assuming his spies would confirm his suspicions about Sigvard's treatment of me, he told me… " Lagertha stops and shakes her head incredulously.

"What did he say?" Siggy urges.

"He said... he'd planned to have me _forcibly taken_." She stifles a chuckle. "I suppose it was to look like a random kidnapping so not to invite another civil war, he said. But it seems I handled things myself before they were set to depart."

Siggy baffled. "I have to say…that is surprising news. We're all so used to Ragnar being aloof to matters that do not involve him directly." Siggy trailed off, realizing how it sounded before she finished.

 _This was clearly an exception wasn't it? To Ragnar, this_ did _involve him directly._ Siggy realized.

"Forgive me, I didn't realize you two had a chance to talk. He's just so closeted Lagertha." Siggy leans forward and fills Lagertha's cup with more ale.

With her refilled chalice, Lagertha sits back and swirles the cup. Mindlessly tossing the liquid, making fun circular waves.

Siggy continues "And truly, you've been here for days and have kept your distance from court. You don't sit at the table at supper...if you even appear. I count myself lucky to catch up with you myself!" She models exasperation with a grin. "Seems you are training warriors... and then you disappear. Even after the blood eagle. I saw you there, but no one could find you soon after. And I saw Ragnar's eyes scanning the celebration. He looked unsettled; uncharacteristically so. I presumed he was looking for you. Everyone else was in the hall last night. Everyone except for you."

"Like I said Siggy. I'm here to support Bjorn, and receive my end from Wessex. For me, this is business. I didn't come here to get tangled with Ragnar." She sips more ale. "Yet, it seems unavoidable."

"When did you speak with him?"

"Last night. Indeed, I did not stay for the celebrations following the ritual. I went back up to my cottage, took a bath and got ready for bed. The last thing I expected was a knock at my door. It was late and I knew Bjorn was out with his new lady friend. So I wanted to ignore it, but I was too curious. I put on my robe, grabbed my ax and asked who it was. No response. I opened the door, and... it's Ragnar. Staring down at me. He had this look on his face... I'll probably never forget it. Hardened, yet also weary. Cut right through me."

Lagertha shook her head and continued "It disarmed me...I had not seen Ragnar look that way before. I wanted to ask him what he wanted. And what he wanted _from me._ But I fell speechless. All either of us could do was stare at each other. He did look down at my ax, and I put it down. After that, without a word he walked in and shut the door."

Siggy mystified. "It must have been urgent. To make that trek after performing a blood eagle. Really, I felt tired just _watching_ it."

"I was thankful he'd washed the blood before he arrived."

They chuckle, and both take more sips of ale. Lagertha looks off at nothing in particular, her countenance fading.

"The blood eagle. I'd never actually seen it done before, Siggy. We'd only heard stories...and truth be told, I wasn't quite sure if it were even real." Looking into the distance, deep in thought.

Ragnar had earned a reputation for being one of the the most brave, skilled and fearsome warriors of their time. No one could dispute that. Further, anyone who truly knew Ragnar understood that he cherished his family far above land or title. So a sneak attack that threatened to wipe out his village and his young family begged a harsh decisive consequence from the man himself.

But Lagertha knew her ex-husband in ways others did not.

She knew that while he would most certainly seek bloody vengeance for the siege, she also knew Ragnar did not particularly enjoy killing. She also knew that he didn't even enjoy battle especially. What she knew was that above all else Ragnar was a pragmatist. For him, raiding had simply been a means for survival, renown, and the path to honorable distinction among the gods. But what pleases the gods and what lies in a man's heart do not always agree. Both Ragnar and Lagertha were made painfully aware of that. It was true that for most warriors, decimating an enemy in the most bloody and spectacular fashion as Ragnar did the night before, would be the ultimate achievement in personal and spiritual glory. And although Ragnar his own set of highly placed ambitions- flamboyant public murder spectacles was not one of them.  
She knew that. And he knew that she knew that.

Lagertha continues "Honorable ritual or not, his expression on my doorstep... " She hesitates. "I just think he needed to walk it off." She rattled off, consciously foregoing further explanation.

Siggy adjusts in her chair casting a downward gaze. Lagertha, noticing her friend's change in posture felt the stinging awareness that she was speaking to the widow of the previous Earl killed publicly by Ragnar.

 _Shit._ Lagertha thought. The best thing to do now was simply answer her friend's question. _Just let it go. S_ he thought once again.

Tucking a loose hair behind her ear. Lagertha rebounded "And I will admit, it was a bit emotional for me. And, well..." Shooting a devilish glance toward her friend  
"...Maybe I was slightly turned on as well."

Siggy raises an eyebrow "That's twisted."

Lagertha grins "Our exchanges had been limited to the trainings and strategy meetings. We had not been alone." She thinks on it further "We've scarcely been alone in over four years." The only other occasion had been five months earlier in that same cottage, when Ragnar had come asking whether or not she and Bjorn would stay or go.

"Well, what did he say?"

"Still nothing. Because... once the door was shut, he'd pinned me against the wall. His mouth covered mine." Again, she downs the last of her ale like a shot. "How's that for a strange turn of events?"

Mouth agape, Siggy slowly covers it with her hands. Alhough in truth, she is the farthest thing from surprised.

"I felt right. So I just went with it." Lagertha, flushed, suddenly starts talking with her hands. "He was so dominant. Hungry."

"He made love to you."

"Uhhh, no. He definitely fucked me."

Siggy gasped. A real reaction that time.

"Until it was happening, I didn't know I wanted it"... She cuts herself off. "No." She pauses. "I didn't know I want _him_ so badly." Lagertha sighed, falling deep into thought again.

She would skip the detail of how he ripped her robe, and needlessly so. It had been loosely tied.

She wouldn't divulge that she was presently wearing her hair down to disguise his bite marks that ran down her neck and back.

She forgot Siggy was in the room when she silently reflected how he was already inside of her while laying her down in bed.

She couldn't admit that Ragnar's powerful thrusts made her wonder if she was his true love, or his mortal enemy. In truth, she was both.

She knew that they were acting on years of anger, bitterness, loneliness and heartache.

She knew that words alone could not describe what they still meant to each, other despite all that's come between them. Neither of them was going to apologize. And there would be no apologies issued for that they were doing. They had finally allowed themselves to be free. Following their primal instinct; being together.

Having observed Lagertha's trance long enough, Siggy projected her voice to cut through it.

"Well, this was inevitable...I just hope you aren't sore." She chided with a resigned expression.

Siggy also realized the first words the pair had likely exchanged were post-coital. "It seems words _were_ exchanged….at some point?"

She recognized that for Ragnar and Lagertha, this was normal.

With them, the passion was always too much. Insurmountable. For more nights (and days) that Siggy cared to remember, she'd witnessed this routine first hand during her years of service to the couple. Everyone knew their way; fuck first, talk later, and then make love.

And as Lagertha explained the rest of her evening, that is exactly what happened.


End file.
